When You Start Wondering, “Is My Husband a Narcissist?” Answer These Questions

In relationship crises, most women will question themselves first. Were they good enough? Maybe they were too cold or dismissive? Were their husbands’ needs satisfied?

The thought “Is my husband a narcissist?” can be scary and even humiliating. How could I think so about my partner? We’re here to tell you that it’s okay. Your thoughts don’t define you as a person, but that doesn’t mean that you should dismiss them.

Narcissistic traits of one of the partners can make relationships draining. But the most painful part is not knowing. We will clarify your confusion with a simple checklist for narcissistic husbands and clarify what narcissism in relationships can really mean.

Is My Husband a Narcissist? Checklist for Narcissistic Behavior

Before going through any checklist, it’s important to set expectations. This section is not a diagnostic tool. The aim of the checklist is not to prove that there is something wrong with your husband.

Narcissistic behavior exists on a spectrum and can be shown due to various reasons. When you complete the narcissist test for someone else, make sure to reflect on your feelings, not perceived intentions. It’s also recommended to complete these evaluations on calmer days, not during crises.

Instructions for completing a checklist to determine if your husband is a narcissist:

• Answer these Yes or No statements honestly.
• Count or write down your answers.
• Focus on facts. Don’t try to get into a head of your partner and think about why they do it.

10 Statements to Determine if Your Husband Is a Narcissist

1. Everything has to revolve around my husband.
2. I have to constantly ask for my husband’s approval before making a decision, even a small one.
3. In order to get my husband’s attention, I have to constantly compliment them.
4. My husband constantly makes conversation about him.
5. I get a feeling that my husband doesn’t care about feelings and interests.
6. My hobbies and preferences are somehow always inferior to my husband’s interests.
7. When I disagree with my husband, he becomes cold and dismissive.
8. My husband never seems to recognize my input in these relationships.
9. My husband often shares his fantasies about power and money, but doesn’t do anything to achieve his goals.
10. My husband sets unrealistic goals for himself and gets frustrated when he doesn’t achieve them.

Interpretation of Results

• If you answered “Yes” to 1-3 statements, the chances of narcissism traits in your husband aren’t high. Challenges that you experience are probably normal fluctuations in relationships.
• If you answered “Yes” to up to 7 statements, there is strong evidence that your husband shows certain narcissistic traits.
• If you answered “Yes” to 8-10 statements, your husband may have been on a clinical narcissistic spectrum. Consultation with a mental health professional is recommended.

What Can Narcissism in Relationships Mean?

If the checklist showed a higher likelihood of narcissism, it’s natural to be scared and angry. But not always do toxic traits mean that husband intentionally hurt their wives.

Try to explore what narcissism is about in your relationships. But if your emotional, physical, and financial well-being are at risk, there is no need for rumination. No matter the reason, nothing justified abuse.

If your partner is open to conversation, try to explore these potential reasons for narcissism together:

• Insecurity. For some men, narcissistic behaviors develop as a way to protect a fragile sense of self-worth. Entitlement and constant self-focus are their interpretation of “preventative attack.” Attack others before they attack you.
• Adverse experiences from childhood. Growing up with inconsistent validation, emotional neglect, or vice versa, excessive praise can shape how someone relates to others. When they were kids, it was a survival mechanism that worked. It’s just a habit that stretches from stressful times because it was once effective.
• Anxiety and a need for control. Narcissistic dynamics in relationships often have one superior and one inferior partner. The sense of control is just a concealed fear of the unknown, which can be explained, but not justified.
• Conditional intimacy. A narcissistic husband may only give affection when you “deserve” it. In reality, love cannot be earned, but some families teach conditional intimacy, and this false truth stays with people throughout their lives.
• Image as a priority. In some relationships, maintaining an external image of success, strength, or superiority becomes more important than honesty.

These explanations cannot excuse harmful behavior. But if your husband wants a better future for both of you, he’ll be open to change and conversation. Try to have a raw, honest conversation. It’s also possible that your husband won’t be comfortable with sharing details about his insecurities. It’s also okay for him to explore it on his own or with a therapist.

Narcissistic Traits vs. NPD Symptoms in Men

There’s also a difference between having narcissistic traits and meeting the criteria for a clinical disorder. This comparison helps clarify that not every man who is self-assured or dismissive is a narcissist. It’s the persistence and severity of behaviors that point to Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Aspect	Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)	Narcissistic Traits (Non-clinical)
Behavior Pattern	Persistent, rigid, and affects all areas of life	Occasional, context-dependent
Empathy	Chronic lack of empathy, struggles to recognize others’ needs	May lack awareness at times, but can show genuine care
Relationships	Manipulative, controlling, and often abusive patterns	May be self-centered, but still able to maintain balanced relationships
Response to Criticism	Extreme defensiveness, rage, or silent treatment	May feel hurt or defensive, but able to process feedback
Functioning	Causes significant distress or impairment in work, family, or social life	Traits may cause minor conflicts, but don’t severely disrupt life
Self-Perception	Inflated sense of self, fragile underneath	Healthy self-esteem with occasional ego-driven moments

What to Do if You Have a Narcissistic Husband

Being in a relationship with a man who shows narcissistic symptoms can be draining. While you can’t change him (it’s also not your job to), you can protect yourself and create healthier boundaries. Here are grounded strategies:

• Set limits on emotional labor. One of the symptoms of male narcissistic personality disorder is to constantly crave compliments. But it’s not your job to do this. Offer compliments when they feel genuine. Sometimes, you may want to validate your narcissistic partner just to keep the peace, but it only reinforces further toxic behavior.
• Build micro-boundaries. Start small: say “no” to one unreasonable request a week or limit phone calls when you need quiet time. For example, say no when your partner wants you to give up your time for him. Not only does it teach him that you won’t be controlled, but it also gives you back your confidence.
• Don’t take the bait. When arguments escalate, step back. You don’t do it because you’re “smarter” or “sacrificing” your opinion for peace. You do this for your emotional well-being. Focus on calming yourself rather than trying to calm him.
• Seek support elsewhere. Friends, family, or a therapist can provide the validation and understanding you won’t get from him.

Most importantly, prioritize your well-being. Taking solo time can help you maintain perspective and emotional balance. If the relationship feels unsafe, emotionally or physically, make a safety plan and reach out to a trusted professional or support network.